The post that dare not speak its name...

There are gay Ministers past and present within the Church of Scotland. Always has been. Always will be. That's my opinion. And my opinion on the whole issue isn't going to make headlines because I'm a moderate. I'm not going to start throwing stools at anyone, and I'm not going to stand outside the assembly hall waving placards suggesting God hates... (There must be a different version of 1 John 4:8 that I'm not aware of - I didn't see hate mentioned) Us moderates don't get headlines.

The Office of National Statistics suggests that 1.5% of the population is either gay, lesbian or bisexual. (Source BBC News) So applying that to the 1300 or so ministers suggests there's nearly 20 people who some sectors of the kirk would not consider "normal". Whatever the approved version of normal is these days. And we've not even begun to consider the Deacons, Readers, and employees of this broad church. You would be hard pressed to fit 20 people in my living room, never mind my closet...

So a bit of background to myself. I worked for a well known holiday firm back in the mid nineties. I was transplanted from middle class Fife to a far off land south of the border. Not long after my 18th birthday I went from not knowing anyone who was gay (save for an evil rumour about a fellow school pupil) to working on a site where people were coming out left right and centre. People were very open about their sexuality, partly because in a closed environment like that there are no secrets but mainly because the walls of the staff accommodation were so thin you could hear your colleagues change their mind. On one memorable occasion, a visiting rugby team decided to see how thin the walls were and they did a running maul from one end of a block to another.

This was an environment where it was common to "pull" on a Friday night, spend the week having carefree sex before promising to be faithful as one half of the new couple departed on the Thursday. Lather, rinse, repeat for a whole season. It was funny towards the end of the season when multiple partners turned up on holiday, looking for the member of staff who would then spend his time keeping a very low profile... Not surprisingly, the STD clinic was kept busy...

So amongst this rampant infidelity, there were two blokes, John and Terry, who were different. Not because they were gay, but because they had a very long term, stable relationship. I'm guessing they were in their mid forties, had their own house off site, and were generally an ordinary couple. I didn't have a lot to do with them, as they worked a completely different schedule to me, but they were friendly enough. They were not in a frenzy, trying to entice young staff members over to the dark side - instead they were just another of the many faces you passed in the staff canteen. Two ordinary blokes.

One of the sadder tales concerned someone who worked on site for a short time. Brian was a little older than myself and was gay. One night, over a pint or two, Brian told a group of us how on more than one occasion he would be drinking in a gay bar when he would be propositioned by another man who would consider himself "straight" but just wanted to try sex with another man. A short, two worded statement ensued, ending in "off!" Apparently this is more common than you would realise. He was genuinely miserable that because he was gay he was considered as being a prostitute. Brian is just another ordinary bloke.

So there's three ordinary blokes. I never found out if they would consider themselves Christian or not, and at the time I was still finding my Christian feet. To me they helped show that everyone is different, and normal doesn't really exist. I probably got more of a life lesson from them than I've learned from many in authority in the church.

Looking at the bigger picture, LGBT people are being persecuted the world over. Shouldn't we as a church be campaigning to protect these people, rather than have a hissy fit about who gets to decide the hymns on a Sunday? Wouldn't that be a better use of the Assembly week? Have the people who are campaigning against gay ministers ever sat and had a friendly pint with a gay colleague? If so, what did they learn?

Of the 1300 ministers that are currently serving the church, please let me meet one who has not broken any of the Ten Commandments. (and being gay doesn't make it into the top 10.) There has only ever been one truly perfect minister, and for being such a decent person, we nailed him to a lump of wood. I like my ministers to start their sermons with "do as I say, not as I do" because I'm a sinner, they are a sinner and we're all imperfect before God.

Besides, I want to live a life that offends so many of the so called righteous, that I get protesters at my funeral.


All names changed , partly to protect identities, and partly because I can't for the life of me remember the real name of at least one of them.