US States and Refugees.

A quick check shows that seven out of the ten US states with the highest church attendance are refusing to accept refugees.   This compares with only one out of the ten states with the lowest levels of church attendance.  Figures and links below.

^"The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God."

State	Weekly Church Attendance	Accepting refugees?
Mississippi	63%	No
Alabama	58%	No
Louisiana	56%	No
South Carolina	56%	Yes
Utah	56%	Yes
Tennessee	54%	Yes
Arkansas	53%	No
North Carolina	53%	No
Georgia	51%	No
Texas	50%	No
Rhode Island	32%	Yes
Washington	31%	Yes
Alaska	31%	Yes
Hawaii	31%	Yes
Oregon	31%	Yes
Nevada	30%	Yes
Massachusetts	29%	Yes
Maine	27%	Yes
New Hampshire	26%	No
Vermont	23%	Yes

Source BBC, Wikipedia

Open the door

If your church door is shut during the act of worship then you are a social club, not a church.

I was halfway through my sermon when I noticed her quietly come in.  Through the glass partition that separated the sanctuary from the lobby, I could see her quietly sit down.  My supervisor, sitting in the pews went out to talk to her.  I don't know the full story about why she wanted the bible, but she left, clutching her bible close as she let the building.

Then we were just coming to the end of the final hymn when someone else came in.  He was needing help from the foodbank, but according to him, he couldn't get into the church that dispenses food parcels because the doors were locked.

There are three churches that I can name, three churches that perhaps I should name, who routinely bolt the doors when the act of worship starts.  There will be more out there, who just don't appreciate that the people we should be helping might not be able to be there sharp at 11am  Today's lectionary reading included Mark 10:43-44. So how can we be servant of all, if the doors are closed to all but those on the inside?

All it takes is an elder or two to keep an eye on the lobby and to welcome people in.  It should be part of their duty, to be welcoming to all, regardless of the time they turn up.  Make it obvious that when worship is on, people can still get in.

I finish my probation at the end of October, so I have time on my hands to go visiting churches.  On behalf of all those who need our help and can't get in, I'm coming to bang on doors.

Matthew 7:7

Just Move!

Picture the scene.  I think the description of the church layout is a hemicycle.  D shaped, with the pulpit halfway down the upstroke of the D, with the congregation sitting in the curve.  There is a balcony above, stretching all the way around.  I believe the induction loop for hearing aids is attached to the lower part of the balcony, so if you sit downstairs below the balcony then you will be able to use your hearing aid. 

Attendance was low this past Sunday, a combination of school holidays and my supervisor being off.  Those who attended sat in the back rows at my extreme left and right.  As I looked out to the 180 degrees of the D, I had people sitting from 0-30, nobody from 31 to 149, then the remainder from 150-180.  There was nobody at all in front of me.  So if I wanted to make eye contact with the congregation, I had to turn my back on half of them.

And then someone had the audacity to complain that they couldn't hear.

Perhaps if they sat that little bit closer, where the speakers and the induction loop (if applicable) could help, then they might be better off.  But of course, nobody will ever consider moving.  And it's always my fault if they can't hear.

Rant over.

Jerusalem

Websites Again

I have mentioned in the past how I believe that the church website is more important than the sign outside your church.  Well it turns out that, when you are in vacancy, this is even more important.

When a church is allowed to call a new minister, their name is added to the list of vacant charges where the probationer looking for their first charge, or a serving minister that is called to move, may obtain contact details.  On the back of this contact, the congregation will send out a parish profile, which gives details of the congregation and perhaps an idea of the type of minister they wish to call. 

It has came up in discussion with a number of my fellow candidates that they would not apply to a congregation that doesn't have a website.  A number of reasons have been given to me for this, but the main consensus is that it shows a congregation that doesn't wish to sell itself, both to the candidate and most importantly, to the local community.  The candidates that are looking all want to look behind the profile, and see the things the congregation is involved in.  They may also want to download a parish profile before making the first contact.

Just in the interests of making yourself visible to your community, you need a website.  And that website needs to say on its front page, where you are, what time you meet, and a bit about what you believe.  An evening spent learning to work blogger (who host this site) or Wordpress is a good investment in your time. 

Burning your parish profile onto a CD and posting it to every candidate is not a good use of your time.

If you don't have even the most basic of websites, then I'm probably not going to come and be your OLM, and a many of my full time colleagues will avoid you as well.

Wise man builds house on the rocks...

...Foolish man builds his house wooden tower on sand blackcurrant jelly.  (Matthew 7:24-27)

 Surprisingly, the jelly survived the 8 miles of country road on the back of the bike.  Also surprising was the fact that the jelly tower was higher than the equivalent tower built at the same time on solid foundations. 

Frost Free Freezer Repair

"I'm off to the General Assembly.  Feed the gerbils, and can you fix the freezer when I'm out?"  Is this the sort of conversation that is supposed to take place in a manse?

All we ask is that the white goods last until we get a manse.  Once there, either white goods will be included, or we can consider whether we need a replacement.  I certainly don't want to pay for a freezer that I'm only going to need until October.

So when the ice cream came out of the freezer a little softer than it should, we knew something was up.  Then the high temperature light came on.  Then it went out. Then it came back and went off again.

I checked it with a thermometer that I threaded through the door, and in the space of an hour or so, the temperature went from -18c to 9c, a 27c increase.  There was something seriously wrong with the air temperature inside, as if there was a heater running.  So it appeared that it was freezing, then occasionally getting briefly warm.

Bracing myself to have to spend £300 or so on a new freezer, I hit Youtube and found an instructional video showing me common problems.  It seems that for a frost free freezer to work, there is a heating element on the cooling element.  When the cooling element gets covered in ice, the heating element comes on briefly to melt the ice.  If the ice buildup is too much, then the heater can't cope, and the cold air won't circulate.

With nothing to lose, I emptied the freezer and removed the ductwork inside at the back.  Actually it took a bit of warming with a heat gun to get the duct off, the first sign that I was heading in the right direction.  When I looked inside I saw this...

Frost free freezer?  I don't think so.

A couple of inches of ice below the coil, and the bottom two rows of fins completely blocked. Air is meant to circulate through here, so I can see why it's not working.  An hour or so of gentle heating and a little dose of my magic spray and the whole thing looked a bit more normal.  Underneath that mass of ice there was a drain hole which is where the condensation flows out.  It looked like the drain hole had blocked, then progressive layers of ice built up to the point where it blocked the coil. I extracted over a litre of ice

Ice, Ice Baby?  Not here.

So a quick dry of all the internal surfaces, a check that the drain was now clear,  and a short reassembly later and the freezer is back to its normal -18c goodness.

So how many people replace their fridge freezer when, all it really needs is a complete defrost?  It might take a couple of says to melt out all the ice, but it's cheaper than a new freezer.

Am I too late to say do not try this at home, no user serviceable parts inside etc...?

Funeral Compliments.

Besides family funerals, today was the first funeral that I have taken part in where I have actually met the deceased beforehand.  The funerals I have been involved in have been parish funerals, where the family may have had limited contact with the church, and while the deceased may have visited the church at some point, they haven't been there during my tenure.

Simon was different.  It was actually during my first supervision session at the manse that there was a knock at the door.  Simon's had just moved into the care home down the street, and she wondered if we could meet with her to help prepare Simon's funeral.

And so later that day I met Simon.  We talked about the Six Nations matches with the optimism that only two Scotsmen can use when talking about sport.  He wanted to have the chance to see the local team, but that was weather permitting.

When it actually came to write his funeral tribute, it was easier having a face and a personality to link to the stories that are you hear third party.  I knew he had a full life, and it was easier that other tributes I had written.

The funeral was conducted with my supervisor doing the preliminaries, and me doing the rest, but it was only afterwards that I realised that I hadn't introduced myself or been introduced.  After the service, a man approached me and asked how long I had known Simon.  I had to tell him that I had only met him a couple of times.  HE told me that the tribute came across as if I had known him well, although I confessed that was mainly due to the incredible set of notes I had been given.

Tonight, it's a session meeting.  Parish life continues.

Waste and the General Assembly

Yesterday afternoonI paid a visit to the General Assembly.  While the assembly week is a great way to meet with my fellow candidates, some of whom have gone on to ordination. 

I am concerned about the amount of waste generated by the assembly.  As I sat in Rainy Hall, across from the pigeon holes stuffed with leaflets, my table also had a scattering of leaflets, some from the various councils, some from Christian charities, and a couple of leaflets from congregations looking for a new minister.  Add into that, a copy of the blue book which, according to my kitchen scales weighs 800 grams, plus all the material generated for Heart & Soul, and the various other events around the assembly, then I believe there will be a couple of kilos of paper waste generated for every person in attendance. So that must be a couple of tonnes of paper waste that even now has been discarded.  Whether or not this ends up recycled or in landfill depends on how it is disposed.

How many of these delegates have tablet computers?  It is becoming the norm that papers for business conferences are released electronically, so why can't we as the church do this?  One person who informed 121 George Street that they would prefer to use the electronic version of the blue book still got a copy sent in the post, with £2.50 for postage.

Can't we at least try to minimise the waste generated by the General Assembly, by abolishing the paper blue book and other documents, and making effective use of current technology?    We should not have to accommodate the additional costs and constraints of using paper documents for people who refuse to use established technologies.

Tomorrow's Calling

Do Not Lock Your Doors During Worship.

The title of this post should make it absolutely clear but in case you didn't read it, here it is again.

Do Not Lock Your Doors During Worship.

Is that clear enough for you?  I am not asking that you keep the church open 24 hours a day, just asking that, when worship is taking place, you make sure that people can get in.  Or, in the event of a fire, people can get out.

Here's a few reasons, based on real world case studies.

Brenda has  a history of substance abuse.  She lives a bit of a disordered life, and sometimes schedules can be a little fluid.  But the church has helped her in the past, and when she has her good days, she always mucks in with the life of the church.  Sometimes she arrives later than 11am.

Bob suffered from brain damage which left him agoraphobic.  Some days he has real trouble getting across his own door, so he can't always get to church on a Sunday, and when he does, he has to rely on other people transporting him there.  He usually arrives for the sermon, and stays for coffee afterwards, and always says how much the church community has helped him.

Bill was an ex prisoner who found himself suddenly homeless.  Bill's story was an unfortunate tale of a number of Government departments messing up and letting him slip through the cracks.  Seeing nowhere else to turn to, he saw a church door that was open, and went in and sat through the service.  Afterwards he approached the minister and asked for help.  Bill is now occasionally seen in the town and is working and doing well for himself.

Brian and Barbara have two children, one 5 years old and one 5 weeks old.  Two children equals about four times the work getting them out the door, and it wouldn't be the first time that the minister was waiting in the lobby to process into the church when they looked out and saw Brian, Barbara and entourage running up the path in a flurry of buggies and changing bags.  A short pause to allow them to sneak in the back means that there will be at least one child to talk to for the children's address.

Today I was doing pulpit supply, in a church that I have preached in on a number of occasions.  And every Sunday they lock the door during worship.  Today I realised that the door had been locked before I had even walked up the aisle and asked the congregation to stand for the bible.  In my sermon, I was telling the full story of Bill (above) and how, in his hour of need, he walked into a church and waited until after the service to ask for help.  So knowing about the locked door, today I added a little extra to my sermon to be deliberately provocative.  Today I told the congregation that they wouldn't be able to help Bill, because I could see from where I was standing that the door was locked.  And I said please don't do that again.

After the service, I was given an excuse of how an item was stolen the last time they left the door unlocked.  If security is a concern, then have one elder on door duty, not to prevent people from coming in, but instead to welcome them.  If you are a church that locks your door during worship, then you do not serve your community, but are instead just a social club that may as well hang a sign on the door that says "Members Only"

If I turn up outside your church and I find your door locked, then I will start banging.  It's not me knocking to get in.  I'm nailing up a sign to remind you that you are in Gods house, and the sign reads:

Mark 13:35

I hope you will get the  message.

But in case it has slipped your notice....

Do Not Lock Your Doors During Worship.

Evangelical Universalism continued.

To expand on yesterdays post regarding universalism, and in response to JohnO's comment, I was asked to evaluate the argument in the book The Evangelical Universalist by Gregory MacDonald (or was that Robin Parry?) as part of a university assignment.

The book itself introduced me to a topic that I had never considered before, the idea that hell may actually be a redemptive place, and is not actually a final destination.  Not surprisingly, this school of thought is not accepted by many people from a more traditional, conservative background.  My studies were an introduction to the topic, so I know that I have only just scratched the surface of what it means to be a universalist.  That said, I didn't find the ideas proposed in the book to be too uncomfortable to live with and too heretical. 

I can see myself returning to the book to give it consideration at a later date, as I feel there is much to explore.

However, I was glad to see the back of the essay. :-)

The Evangelical Universalist

In a strange turn of events, I have managed to go from not actually knowing anything about universalism to probably considering myself to be a universalist.  This took place in the course of about six days.  Well there are worse things to have happened in under a week.

It's funny how education broadens the mind.s

One Thousand

Two sides to the church

Fifteen rows to a side

thirty children to a row - a couple of rows had only 28 adults, but their backsides take up more pew room.

Plus all the flag bearers in the balcony.

Plus the rest of the balcony was full of parents, (with the exception of the bit where they keep the Tardis we made for the nativity a few years ago, and which has never been thrown out) so there were nearly 150 upstairs.

So there must have been nearly or slightly over 1000 people at Lane End church where I got to speak about fun and adventure to a group of enthusiastic Beavers, Cubs and Scouts.  We just couldn't fit them all into Bramblehill.

I am pleased to say that tonight proves that big audiences do not scare me.

The planning for tonight also demonstrated why no experience in your past life will ever go to waste in your training for ministry.  Even if that experience happened to be the time I was judge and photographer for a glamorous grandmother contest...  There is a story here, for another time.

Common Ground

My organist likes his jazz.  I like rock.  This is a bit of common ground.





Or how about some Radiohead?



Go have a look at the Postmodern Jukebox on Youtube.

Those who can, teach.

On two separate occasions in the past month, but completely unconnected individuals, I have been told that I should have been a teacher.  I jokingly said to both parties that it would be a bad career move, as I can't stand children.

They saw me involved in the Easter Code, the trip through the Easter story that went down so well at Airside and Bramblehill churches.  So well in fact, that there are already bookings for next year.  To the people that commented, they got to see me do something that I had done before, and alongside many other people, had spent many hours discussing and planning.  The bits I was involved in were a game involving up to 50 children at a time, then a smaller group session with around 10, then finally a part in an interactive Q and A session at the end. 

I enjoyed every part I was involved in, and I would like to think the children got something out of my bit, in the same way as they enjoyed the rest of the event. But the event was exhausting.  It was pretty intense for each of the four sessions I was involved in.  This is where I have a problem with teaching.

My primary school teachers were an awesome bunch of people, and I know that they may have had off days, but they never let it show in the classroom.  Some days we must have driven them up the wall, but they came back for more the next day.  They helped develop my love of reading, and must have despaired that an I just never got the hang of maths.

This is why I know I couldn't be a teacher.  While I do actually like working with children, and I like teaching them things and hearing their stories.  I love the chaos that a good children's address can cause in worship, as long as it can be done in such a way that I bring them back calm and on topic, But I couldn't do it full time.  It's just too intense.  The teachers I know are truly dedicated to their craft, and I respect and admire them for it. 

So this is why I know I couldn't be a teacher.  Children deserve the best, and despite the very supportive and appreciated comments from the individuals from the first paragraph, I know I am not the best man for the job.

Doing it Right

This Easter I was invited to an act of worship on Good Friday.  I never saw the person, but they took the effort to got round all the houses in the area inviting everyone to a gathering. 

It wasn't the parish church.

It was the local Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall.

I didn't hear anything from the parish church, and while I may have missed it, I didn't see a poster in the local shop for forthcoming services either.

And now that I think about it, the Gospel Hall is pretty good at sending round flyers inviting you to services (although for a period, they forgot to actually say where there hall was) and the JW's will appear every couple of months.  After one of these visits, when Mrs G was in a particularly theological frame of mind, they were on the doorstep for 45 minutes.  Afterwards they quietly  slipped an A4 sized, point by point refutation of Mrs G's position through our letterbox.  After this incident I thought the local kingdom hall had blacklisted us.

Now, having lived in this house for over ten years, I am yet to hear anything from the parish church.  My placement church is in the next presbytery, so I never see the Minister.  I know every church has its own pressures, but surely we must get in touch with the community we serve, at least once a year.  Can we afford not to hand round an Easter of Christmas card once a year, inviting people to hear the real message of Christmas or Easter?

Palm Sunday Donkey

Meet Francis.  Because Palm Sunday requires a donkey. 

Making a mess in the kitchen

The somewhat complicated process of changing the oil in Mrs G's brakes requires two syringes and five hands. The oil is a pretty colour though.

Managing Expectations Tuesday.

I am just about to hammer together the order of service for Sunday coming.


This week is the start of Lent, in case it had escaped your notice.  I had best mention that.


There is also a requirement to do something about Fair Trade.

And having recieved comment from the choir the other week, I need less tunes that are in unison.

They would also appreciate more tunes played in a major key. 

Throw in some intercessions based on topical events, and a children's address that may morph into an opening thought for the adults, depending on whether there are any children.

All this was planned to be done last night, but a failed attempt to synchronise my pc with my tablet resulted in my pc needing a system restore.  That was when I gave up.

First thing first.  I'm going to brew up. This may require a lot of tea.

Sickness

I received a text on Saturday night from my supervisor saying that she had been sick for a couple of days and to let me know that I may be on my own this morning.  There has been a bug going round so it was her turn to share in the misery.  I was doing the whole service this week, so I replied saying to have a day off, and I promise not to break anything.  When I spoke to her on Sunday, she told me that, holidays aside, it was the first time she had missed a Sunday in ten years.   She hasn't had a student that would be able to pick up the load before.

Businesses usually have contingency plans in place, so this got me thinking about our church contingency plans.  When I crashed my bike, I was supposed to be on the projector that day, so as a result, there were no words on the screen.  No great hardship, but what if I had been preaching.  The Session Clerk of Lane End used to keep an emergency service in his briefcase, to be opened if both of the Ministers were indisposed.  Other churches have instructions to do a service of songs of praise if the Minister doesn't arrive.  I have a couple of generic services that aren't lectionary based that I can use if I am called at short notice.  At some point in the future, perhaps at lease one of these will be transfered to my phone or tablet.

Ministry is unlike any other job I have worked in.  Most jobs I have had involved me working with dozens of other people that could fill in if required.  And I had no jobs that required to be undertaken at a specific date and time.  As Ministers, we have to be on stage at 11am, or have arranged for someone to take our place.

The other thing is, my supervisor couldn't have just sat at the back and gone unnoticed.  Whatever happens, the Minister is still the Minister.  Ministers still end up getting told the concerns of the congregation, whether or not they want to sit at the back and be unobserved. 

Lesson for the day.  Ministers need business contingency plans.

My Excellent Neighbour.

I was asked to do a bit for the local paper.  Here's what I submitted.


It is perhaps a guilty pleasure of mine that I like the Bill and Ted films of the late eighties and early nineties. The films show a utopian view of a future society which is founded on Bill and Ted’s music, and where the underpinning mantra is “be excellent to each other.”

In Matthew’s gospel , chapter 22, after being told that we must love our God, Jesus told us to “love our neighbour as ourself.” These are the two most important commandments, which all the other laws hang on. These days, the person that is our neighbour may not live in the same street, town or country as ourselves. Through social media, our neighbours could be anywhere in the world, and may not share our faith or our ideas on how society should be run. Hard as it may sometimes seem, we are all neighbours, and we need to love each other.

If we want to make the world the best it can be, then we need to spend less time sharing gossip and rumours about our neighbours and instead, reach out to them with a love as great as the love we have for ourselves. So get out there, and whatever you do, be excellent to each other!

In Tribute

Something I have managed to avoid in the course of my placements is funerals.  Or more to the point, people seem to stop dying when I'm around.  While this is good for the congregational roll, it's not that good for my training.  In fact, on my second placement, I'm sure I went on holiday and there were two funerals in my absence.  This is my fourth placing with a church, and I have only had involvement in two funerals. 

The other month a man in the parish died.  I went along with my supervisor to meet his family and had a pleasant chat about his life and times.  He had lived a full life, and was well known in the community.  While my supervisor talked, I took notes and afterwards tried to create a tribute.  While I wasn't going to be delivering the tribute, I wanted the practice under real conditions.

Well it sucked.  I wrote something that described his life, but it just didn't have a lot of feeling to it.  I got the important details right, like family names.  This was made all the more interesting by the fact that everyone in the family had James as their given name, so Jim, Jimmy etc.    I think my first problem was that I just didn't have time afterwards to write the tribute up immediately.  It was later in the evening that I had the time to sit and write.  The next time I will go straight home and write while things are fresh.  But it also demonstrated that I just haven't had the practice.

My plan for the next wee while is to just write tributes, whether or not the person is dead, just to get into the practice of writing a 400 word biography.  While I might base this on biographical interviews from Youtube, if we have a conversation and I'm taking notes under the table...