Enquirers Conference (part one)

5 blooming am. In some religious orders, I'd probably have been up two hours ago, but this of the Church of Scotland - 11am is fine for worship, thank you very much. There was a sign in every room saying the shower, hair straighteners, kettles (or probably even respiration) would set off the alarm. So there were at least three women standing in the car park wrapped in towels. I hope someone had recently pissed (or worse) in your shower. My sense of Christian calm only appears after the third cup of tea.

And thanks to Tayside Fire and Rescue for turning out so quickly. I know we've dragged you out of your bed as well.

So having been well and truly woken up, I decided to go for a walk into Dundee to see if there was a bacon roll available. A city in the early hours looks like every sort of post apocalyptic movie you have ever seen. No cars, no people, in fact I think I only saw one other person before I got to Desperate Dan and Minnie the Minx. Sort of creepy, un-natural. The bustling city without the bustle.

On the way I passed the entry to the Western Cemetery. The gates have the sermon on the mount cast into them, in a series of iron plates. The gate posts have panels, about three foot square, with a series of biblical verses in them. The stonework is badly corroded and the verses are in a sorry state of disrepair. If the gates are ever repaired, I know that there will be outcry about the council reinstating the verses on the stonework. Letters will be sent to the Courier, and the council, most probably written by white atheists, complaining that the council might cause offence to Asian Muslims. Nobody ever seems to ask the Muslims, although in my experience, they aren't that bothered.

How many churches does the centre of Dundee really need? Two of them surrounded by the Overgate Centre with a third just over the road. There's something about this that doesn't feel right. A house divided can't stand. Lease them out as a designer shopping outlet and use the money to fund a united church and community centre on a central brownfield site.

Dundee was waking up as I returned to the West Park Centre. Morning reflection and meditation at 7.30 before breakfast at 8. Just a nice spell of reflective calm before the day began.

The rest of the Enquirers conference follows over the next few posts.