Day Eight. More Samuel

Twentysix thousand odd words later and the best I can come up with for today is...

I don't really like David.

I might expand on this later.  Probably not.

Tomorrow, onto 2 Kings 8

Day Seven. Judges, Ruth and Samuel

An odd day.

Starting off with Samson.  Strength in folicles, brain in testicles.

A good tale of Loyalty in Ruth.

Samuel, offered up at the temple before he has much of a choice in the matter.

Finishing off with David, Goliath and one hundred foreskins.

Tomorrow the instructions say onwards to 1 Kings 1, although I'll probably just stop at the end of 2 Samuel as I'm not leaving a read with only one chapter hanging.

Day Six, Joshua and Judges.

Joshua sent his priests with trumpets round the city walls.  The trumpeters sounded, the people gave a great shout, and the walls collapsed.

Sometimes you just have to let the praise band cause a bit of chaos.

And being nailed to the floor with a tent peg?  That's got to nip.  Sisera probably needed that like a hole in the head.

Tomorrow it's on to 1 Samuel 22.

P.S. Please feed my fish. ======================================>

Day Five. Deuteronomy

The whole of Deuteronomy today as I wasn't stopping at chapter 32 out of 34, leaving Moses alone on a hillside.

The parent says "...be careful crossing the road."

The teacher says "...study hard."

The wise man says "...don't feed them after midnight."

The mad scientist says "...don't cross the streams."

They all have one last attempt at reminding those in their care of the important rules.

Moses spends Deuteronomy reminding the Israelites of God's rules, and why it's exceptionally important to pay attention.

But we all know that as soon as they are out of house/school/shop/converted firestation/the Jordan it will be "rules?  I don't remember no rules...

Well done Moses.  You got them this far, and you tried hard.

But I particularly liked the idea of stoning rebelious teenagers.  I might not state that on my Disclosure form....

I will admit that today was a bit of a slog.

Tomorrow it's on to Judges 9

Tithing

While there may be some small details to sort out, I think we may almost have found a replacement for the tithe.

If anyone is looking for me, I'll be in the Gerbil Tavern. Saving the world.

Day Four. Numbers

So where else to sit and read Numbers than that Edinburgh building known only by its number, 121. I didn't see a bible there either, but I didn't do much searching.  There was three copies of "Life and Work" which is almost an acceptable substitute.

When I read Judges, I'll do it in a court house,the letter to the Corinthians will be in the Post Office, and I'll read Romans in Pizza Hut.


Today we had numbers.  Lots and lots of numbers.  Censuses of all the people present at that time went to show that there were a shed-load of genuine, original Red Sea pedestrians.

Also, at this point it becomes abundantly clear that you should be grateful for the food you have, don't go whinging because you don't have meat, fish, or cheeseburgers.  And under no circumstances do you want to piss off God.  He's a good and caring God, so be happy with what you've got.

But the best bit of all has to be the talking donkey.

 Hoping for Shrek tomorrow as I head into Deuteronomy 32.

Day Three. Leviticus

Today I had to get the tyres replaced on the bike.  Having a few hours to kill, I went to a local tourist attraction church to carry on reading.  Glad I brought my own bible, because I'm not convinced they had any..  Plenty of hymn books though. 

As I sat in the pleasant Victorian interior, I got to the bit about not mixing fibres in your clothing.

A quick audit revealed cotton fibres from head to toe.  At last, a bible rule that I passed!  But then I realised that the stitching was probably polyester.  Bummer.  I took consolation in the fact that, to my knowledge I have never mated different kinds of animals.

Tomorrow it's onwards to Numbers 31

Day Two. Exodus

Exodus was easier reading than Genesis.  So far today, Moses has had a lot written about him.  A short chase through the desert by the Egyptians then you get the Ten Commandments and a bit of interior design.

And not much begatting.  Good. 

Tomorrow.  Exodus 30 to Leviticus 25.

Day one. Genesis

Got off to a good start.  So far I've had everything from "In the beginning..." to Joseph and his quite attractive coat* with Adam, Eve and a drunken naked Noah thrown in,  That's the bit that they never taught me in Sunday School.

And Lot needs to learn to keep his hands to himself, and not be so free and easy with his daughter's virtue.

Tomorrow we are on to Genesis (probably the Phil Collins part)   chapter 43 and onto Exodus 29.


*Can't call it an A*****g T****ic****r D***m C**t as that's © The Really Useful Group**

**Apparently named after a book by the Rev WV Awdry***

***Creator of The Island of Sodor, amongst others.But you knew that...  Didn't you..?

Thirty days

I've got 30 days to kill.

I'll not be doing anything enquiry based until my minister returns from her holidays.  So I'm going to make the time fruitful.  So inspired by this video on Mrs Gerbil's blog I've got a cunning plan.

The whole bible in 30 days.  Or about 26,000 words a day, allowing for lots of begatting.  And boy, is there a lot of begatting...

I'll be guided in this venture by Glenn Brooke's guide here.  With the Bible itself being the New English Translation, a freee edition on my phone.

So today, day one it's everything up to and including Genesis 41.  (I'm told that was when they still had Peter Gabriel.)