Not blogged for a while. This is a bad sign.
I entered a sort of dark period a few weeks ago. Much the same way that I felt I was being called to the OLM, I had a similarly strong feeling telling me to get out. I wasn't sure I was up to carrying out the role of an OLM, and I felt I was wasting everyone's time. Coupled with a very busy period for myself anf Mrs G, and i felt I should try to get out.
The feeling has sort of passed. It's still there in the background, and while I'm not ignoring it, I'm not worrying about it either. I'm carrying on with the original position of throwing my everything into the enquiry process and getting something out of it. If I'm accepted to go on to conference, fine. If not, I'll find something else. Thy Will Be Done etc.
It's a sort of confidence thing....
************************************************************
I was writing this post when Mrs G told me of someone suggesting that OLM's were interfering with their call. Suggesting perhaps that OLM's had a lesser call.
Up yours pal.
It's not your call, it's God's call and everyone he calls will do their part for His kingdom. We won't be set against each other. All the ministers I've spoken to have said they and their congregations would welcome an OLM helping them out and would support OLM's working in their parish. OLM's are not "Diet Coke ministers" (one calorie, not quite the whole minister) and they will have to work hard to fit ministry alongside their working lives. I'm not doing this because i want to, but because I think I'm being called to.
So I wish you well in your calling. I hope to work with you in the future.
And thanks for your anti-OLM comments. You've peeved me enough to throw myself into this, just out of principle. Suddenly I'm feeling invigorated.
It's funny what gives us the spur to keep going. I hit that same point many times during the training process - so close that it would have taken just one tiny comment or event to tip me over into calling it quits.
ReplyDeleteEven now, with a charge looming, there are the random little thoughts that creep in saying, "What makes you think you're up to this?" I'm not one for using the 'spiritual battle' language, but it's at times like these that it makes sense.
As for the dismissive comments over OLM - you're right to shrug them off. Across my placements I've worked with readers, deacons and auxiliary (OLM) ministers. I have valued the contribution from every one of them and all have a very clear and positive calling. All contribute to the ministry of the place they serve, and not in any trivial way either.
Thanks John, I'm hoping that things fall into place for you in the early new year.
ReplyDeleteI think it's the doubts and little dark thoughts that prove we are human, not Jesus clones. I'm enjoying the encounters I've been having along the way, and I'm looking forward to slotting into a team somewhere.
I'll win the nay-sayers round!
Dear, lovely, wonderful Spot... it would be an odd thing not to have those feelings of wanting to get out, I suspect. I also suspect if it was all a wonderful tickety-boo sailing through the ocean of bliss, something would be seriously wrong and I'd be much more concerned about that and the candidate's reflective skills.
ReplyDeleteOn the other matter: I have never really got my head around why some folk seem to be quite so threatened... we are all in this together, surely?
[yes we are, and don't call me Shirley...]
Catch up for a cuppa post Christmas and Hoggers.
In the meantime, blessings upon you and Mrs G over Christmas and for 2012 as you both continue to work through your respective callings x
You're not Shirley. I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
ReplyDeleteHow's about that for an obscure Airplane reference!